HOW TO BE PRODUCTIVE WHEN YOU CAN’T SLEEP

So, you’ve tried everything and ticked off your ‘how to defeat insomnia’ checklist. Breathing exercises - check; Progressive Muscle Relaxation - check. And yet here we are. It’s 2 a.m. (again) and you’re wide awake, staring at your alarm clock like it’s about to give you life advice, and those sheep you’ve been counting? Yeah, they’ve unionised and are on strike.

Well, forget them. Sleep is playing hard to get, so why not embrace your inner night owl and make these ungodly hours work for you? After all, while the rest of the world is drooling on their pillows, you’ve got a golden opportunity to do something fabulous - or at least moderately amusing.

Welcome to the Insomniac’s Supper Club. The only requirement for membership? You’re awake, and that’s pretty much it. Grab your midnight snack, settle in, and let’s transform those sleepless nights into something almost productive.

1. Learn a New Skill (Just Nothing Too Physical)

Remember when you swore you’d learn to fold a fitted sheet without it turning into a fabric tornado? Well, congratulations, your moment has arrived! The internet is your oyster, and it’s full of tutorials on everything from sheet-folding to salsa dancing. So, why not pick something ridiculously specific, like learning to juggle while reciting Shakespeare? Or, if you’re feeling a bit more practical, maybe some basic coding, a new language, or the fine art of brewing the perfect cup of coffee that will keep you awake tomorrow night, too.

Or, if you’re in the mood for something truly heroic, you could finally attempt that exercise plan you’ve been “thinking about starting” since Clinton was in office. Just don’t go too crazy, we’ve got knees to think about now.

And hey, if the fitted sheet wins again (which it probably will), just call it abstract art and move on.

2. Procrastinate Productively & Embrace the Chaos

Let’s not kid ourselves, sometimes, insomnia is just the universe’s way of giving you a guilt-free pass to procrastinate. But hey, you’re 50+, you’ve earned the right to procrastinate productively. So instead of organising your sock drawer, why not start a project you’ll probably never finish? You know, like drafting the first chapter of your memoirs, working title: “I’m Still Here, Dammit”. Or planning that elaborate vacation that you will never take.

Will you ever finish? Probably not, but that’s okay, the goal here is to keep yourself busy enough to forget that sleep is just a distant memory, kind of like your 30s. And the best part? Tomorrow, when someone asks what you did last night, you can say you were working on something “personal.” It’s vague, mysterious, and a perfect excuse to avoid explaining why you were up at 2 a.m. planning a podcast called “The Midnight Rants.”

3. Binge Watch with Purpose & Sound Smarter Tomorrow

We all love a good binge-watching session, but let’s give it a bit of a twist. Instead of zoning out to the latest reality show where people argue over houseplants, pick something educational. A documentary, a foreign film, maybe even one of those nature shows narrated by someone with a soothing British accent. The next day, when someone asks what you did last night, you can respond with, “Oh, I just brushed up on the socioeconomic impacts of the Mongolian Empire.”

Bonus points if you can incorporate your newfound knowledge into a conversation the next day. People will either think you’re a genius or seriously need more sleep. Either way, you win.

4. Ponder the Big Questions & Channel Your Inner Philosopher

There’s something about the stillness of the night that turns us all into philosophers. Why not use this time to ponder the big questions in life? Like, why is “abbreviation” such a long word? Were twins creepy before the Shining? Or, if a tree falls in the forest and no one’s around to hear it, who posts about it on social media? Write down your midnight musings, you might just stumble upon some profound wisdom. Or at least have a good laugh when you find them in the morning and realise you’ve written a half-baked theory on why cats are secretly in charge of the internet.

Of course, there’s a danger in diving too deep here. Don’t let your thoughts meander into the territory of “What am I doing with my life?” at 3 a.m. Stick to the safe, mildly amusing stuff - you’ve got enough on your plate during daylight hours without throwing existential dread into the mix.

5. Organise Your Life… Sort Of

If you’re the kind of person who finds organising therapeutic (first of all, who hurt you?), why not tackle a project you’ve been putting off? Clean out that junk drawer, declutter your inbox, or finally deal with that stack of old magazines that’s been collecting dust since the last ice age. You don’t have to finish (let’s not get crazy), but making a dent will give you a sense of accomplishment. Plus, future you will thank you when you can actually find your keys without embarking on a 20-minute scavenger hunt.

And if halfway through you decide you’d rather do anything else, like alphabetise your spice rack or colour code your underwear drawer - at least you tried. Give yourself a pat on the back and go back to whatever you were doing before. This is midnight procrastination at its finest, after all.

6. Perfect the Midday Nap

Alright, so maybe sleep isn’t happening tonight, but that doesn’t mean you can’t sneak in some shut-eye tomorrow. Use your sleepless hours to perfect the art of the power nap. Research the ideal nap length, somewhere between “just resting my eyes” and “oops, I slept through dinner”- After all, you don’t want to disrupt tomorrow’s night’s sleep. Find your perfect napping spot and spend a few minutes recharging those batteries.

Sure, you might become the person who dozes off in odd places - like the office supply closet - but hey, you’re just being efficient with your time. And when everyone else is hitting that 3 p.m. slump, you’ll be bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and ready to tackle whatever the day throws at you without needing 12 cups of coffee.

7. Embrace the Quiet (And Try Not to Start Talking to Yourself)

Sometimes, the best thing to do during those sleepless hours is… nothing at all. Embrace the quiet, the stillness, the peace that comes with being awake when the rest of the world is silent. Meditate, breathe deeply, or just sit with your thoughts. It’s a rare chance to be truly alone with yourself, free from the distractions of the day.

And who knows? Maybe in embracing the quiet, you’ll finally drift off to sleep. If not, at least you’ll have some quality time with your own thoughts—hopefully, the good ones.

Remember, fellow insomniac, the night is young, and so are we (at least in spirit). Whether you’re mastering a new skill, embracing the art of procrastination, or just pondering life’s great mysteries, your sleepless hours don’t have to be wasted. So, the next time sleep evades you, don’t stress—just make the most of it. Sweet dreams are overrated anyway.

Call to Action:

Now that you’re an honorary member of the Midlife Insomniac’s Supper Club, it’s time to embrace these sleepless nights with style and a dash of productivity. So, the next time sleep stands you up, don’t despair, get creative! And while you’re at it, why not check in with yourself? Visit us again in 30 days and let us know how you’ve put these tips to work. Whether you’re mastering the power nap or solving the mysteries of life, we’d love to hear your story. Sweet dreams - or not!

Frank, 53. Author, fitness coach, raging insomniac and obsessed golfer, navigating life one wobble, and glass of whisky at a time. Click for Bio